A man finds a woman sobbing in the street because she's locked her keys in her car.
"Don't worry," he says. removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically, it opens.
"How did you do that?" asks the grateful woman.
"they're my khakis,"the man says.
Just before a boy enters a barber's shop, the barber says to his customer," This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch"
The barber puts a dollar in one open palm and two 20c pieces in the other and asks the kid,"The boy takes the two larger coins and leaves. "See?" says the barber, laughing.
Later, the customer passes the boy, who is standing outside a lolly shop. "Why did you take the two 20c pieces and not the dollar?" he asks
"Because," says the boy, "the day i take the dollar, the game's over."
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
-Comic Randy Glasbergen-